Things that make me smile :)

James has been doing so many things lately that make me laugh until I cry. He's now officially closer to three than two and whether I want to admit it or not, he is hardly a baby anymore. He says now that he's my "big boy baby." I'll take it while it lasts. :) His little personality has just blossomed - I love who God has made him.

I just wanted to record a few cute stories of our life with him lately - before he's just my "big boy" and not my "big boy baby" anymore.


1. James and Daddy have been having "boy's night" once a week while I go to a women's Bible study. The first week that I attended, I came home to a story that really made laugh. Stephen told me that they went to Walmart and browsed the toy aisles. James came across an etch-a-sketch and said that he wanted one. Stephen told him that maybe Mama and Daddy could get him one for Christmas or that we could ask Santa for one. He thought about it for a minute and said matter-of-factly "No, I want Ma Collins to get me one." (Grandma Collins is my mother's mother, and his Great-grandma.) Since we don't live close to her or get to see family in South Carolina as often as we'd like, it really tickled me that she came to his mind. I called her later that week to tell her the story (I knew she would love that he mentioned her), and I told her that an etch-a-sketch would be a great idea to get him for Christmas. A few days later we  found a package at the door - she didn't wait until Christmas. He is definitely not lacking for anything - especially people that love him. :)

2. James loves animals, and so we visit Petsmart quite a bit and just look at the fish, birds, cats, etc with James. It's free entertainment, and he thinks that it's just the best thing to "go see the pets!" On our last visit he asked if he could bring this little grasshopper pull toy with us. We agreed but didn't think much about it. When we got inside and he was pulling it behind him in the store, I realized that he asked to bring it because he was trying to walk his "pet" on it's "leash" like he's seen all the other dog owners do in Petsmart on previous visits. At first I thought it was precious, and then my little softie heart could not take it. I found an employee and asked "What is the cheapest and easiest fish that we could purchase for our 2 year old son?" And now we are officially the proud owners of "Water", a female beta fish. :) And he absolutely adores his "pet."

3. He has so many little phrases and funny things that he says lately. He uses the word "yeppers" (he says that Daddy taught him that one) now. And his most beloved phrase that he uses when he is surprised by something is "Oh, chicken fingers!" That one continues to make us laugh. He says that he heard it on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse...probably true! :) He says things like, "I want to visit the Statue of Liberty soon" and I constantly ask myself where he comes up with these things. He also woke up at 4 a.m. on Sunday morning and would not go back to sleep, because as I was putting him to sleep the night before he was being very inquisitive and I told him that I would, per his request, find out about "what the white stuff was on the mice" in his animal video when he woke up in the morning. And so early the next morning, he was ready to hold me to my word (he is very literal!) I will never let questions about life's great mysteries ever go unanswered before bedtime again, believe me! It was not funny at 4 a.m., but honestly, it's one of the things that I love about him the most. I hope he never stops asking questions.

4. I love that he is forming his own opinion about many things including what he likes to wear. This outfit of choice made me laugh until I cried. I love that he marches to the beat of his own drum, and I hope he always will be proud of who he is and who God made him. :) I pray that he'll always be an imitator of Jesus and nobody else.

What 2 1/2 looks like

This is what 2 1/2 looks like in our world.

It looks like cinnamon rolls and singing "Happy Half Birthday to You" before church. 

It looks like seeing the world from about 36 inches tall and around twenty-"neight" pounds. It looks like size 2T clothing (sometimes smaller pants and sometimes bigger shirts), size 5 diapers, and size 8 or 9 shoes. It looks like an afternoon nap after a morning of adventure. It looks like eating (all the food groups now) and sleeping better than ever! It looks like being very interested in the potty, but just not there yet. 

It looks like a little charmer. It sounds like "Guess how much I love you, Mama?" "How much, baby?" "A lot! A lot, Mama!" Two and half looks like smiling with nose crinkled and eyes squinted in the way that melts your heart (and he knows it too!). It sounds like drawing out the pronunciation of every girl's name in the most darling way: "I want my friend Liiii-ly to come to myyyy house", "I'm going to marry yooou, Maaaaa-ma!", and "I want to play with yooou, Saaaaa-rah" to our sweet librarian. It sounds like saying "hi" and "thank you" to a cashier at every store that we enter and being reminded that "I made her heart happy today." You are sweet upon sweet, little boy!

Two and a half looks like never forgetting anything and always remembering everything. It sounds like full conversations repeated back days later and reciting to us word-for-word instructions given days, weeks, or even months earlier (when we didn't know if he was even listening) about how to hit a baseball or why we never go in the street by ourselves. It looks like knowing all the boundaries, but sometimes still choosing to cross them. It looks like a strong will that I believe, steered carefully in the right direction, will serve him well one day. It sounds like tears, prayers, and "I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?" from both child and parent. It looks like us teaching him, but him teaching us too. 

Two and a half sounds like an adamant "I want to do it by myself." It looks like using a stool (that he affectionately calls his "stage") to attempt to brush his own teeth, wash his own hands, and turn the lights on and off all by himself. It looks like helping Mama in the kitchen with cooking, unloading the dishwasher, and setting the table for dinner. 

It looks like reservation that always warms up to friendly and sweet. It looks like a heart of compassion. It sounds like "That's so sweet!" or "That's so sad!" spoken with so much passion and conviction. It looks like tears streaming down a little face when he feels sad for others. It looks like parents searching for "little Nemo" way past bedtime because "he needs his Mama." 

Two and a half sounds like "Dear God, Thank you our food food and family. Amen!" It looks like a "big boy" that's thankfully not too big yet for cuddling and rocking in his Mama's lap. It looks like running to the door with excitement to greet Daddy after work. It sounds like an unprompted "I love you." It looks like books piled high on the bed and snuggled under the covers between Mama and Daddy as we read "just one more story".

It looks like wide-eyed wonder and endless curiosity. It sounds like a constant chorus of "Why?" and "What's that?" It looks like inquisitive observations and hands-on learning. It sounds like "He sure is a fast bug!" It looks like magnifying glasses, bug catchers, and a pet roly poly. It looks like trains and trucks all over the floor, books about animals open on the couch, and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse playing like a soundtrack in the background of our daily living.

It sounds like being able to say just about anything now but choosing to answer Mama and Daddy like Curious George instead (I have lost count of the times we've said "Please talk like a big boy and not a monkey" lately. That's what two and a half sounds like in our world!) It looks like controlled chaos - it's daily blasting off on one wild and wonderful ride!

Two and a half sounds like a life that fills our home with joy and laughter. It looks like loving him more than words could express.

Theology of a Two Year Old!

 I wanted to share some spiritual truths from the mouth of our little two year old on his third Easter. Stephen and I were remembering that Easter Sunday was his second "anniversary" of attending church for the first time. That very first Easter he was almost 6 weeks old, and although some people probably didn't wait nearly as long as we did to get their newborns out and about, we were talking and reminiscing about his early weeks with so much crying (day and night) and so little sleep. We were in denial for a few weeks that our "perfect" baby needed medicine for his acid reflux (and with nothing to really compare the amount of spit up, or crying, or lack of sleep to), but a few days before Easter when he started spitting up what the doctor believed to be stomach bile we knew that we were not willing to 'wait it out' any longer.

It's hard to believe that the two year old little boy that I watched bow his head and close his eyes while we prayed for our lunch this Easter is the same baby that I held cooing and sleeping in my arms, dependent on me for everything, that first Easter Sunday. It's amazing that in just two years we've gone from wondering if we'd ever sleep again to listening in disbelief to our child speak in complete sentences. It's amazing that God can use James' two year old theology and knowledge of God, to draw me closer to Him and remind me of His truth.

From gazing...

to blowing bubbles.

From rocking...

to sliding. 

I wanted to take the time to record some of his most frequently used truths about God (before any more times passes):

1) "Jesus comes back!"
³ And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. John 14:3

2) "Jesus went to the cross."
⁵ But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; 
the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.Isaiah 53:5


3) "God is our friend."
¹⁵ I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. John 15:15


4) "God makes my boo-boo better."
¹⁴ When He went ^[a]ashore, He saw a large crowd, and felt compassion for them and healed their sick. Matthew 14:14


5) "Jesus rose from the grave!"
⁶ He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Matthew 28:6


6) When we ask who loves him he says, "Mama, Daddy, God AND Jesus."
¹⁶ For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16


7) Airplane (or helicopter, truck, car, etc.) go to church too!
²⁴ And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, ²⁵ not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. Hebrews 10:24-25


And then this afternoon after I had already typed most of this post, James and I had the sweetest conversation. He had just woken up from his nap and we were looking out the window as the rain began to fall. James noticed the tree right outside the window that was blowing in the wind, and looked at me and said "Mama, turn the tree off."  I explained to him that I couldn't do that, and only God had the power to do something like that. I told him briefly the story of when Jesus calmed the storm, and he looked at me as if he was taking it all in. He thought about it for a few seconds and then looked back out the window and said, "Turn the tree off, God." I am so very thankful for moments like these.

Great Site for Moms

I have enjoyed the wisdom and perspective from other mom bloggers on the newly launched Mom Heart Online blog over the last few weeks. There is so much that I want to read right now (and I have a stack of books I am waiting to dive into when the moment presents itself), but in this busy season of life I enjoy at least the opportunity to read short articles and/or blog posts each day with encouragement related to my current stage of life. I particularly enjoyed this post today called Journal on their Hearts which discusses the legacy of leaving behind written words for your children. Just thought I'd share this post and great site that has encouraged me. :)

A picnic in the park and lessons in parenting.

(I wanted to take a minute to reflect on my two most precious gifts this morning (my husband of 5 years and my sweetest little boy that is 26 months old today!) and remember a special day that we shared together as a family. The last few months we have felt God so near to us, although we have been in a bit of a holding pattern and God's direction and next step for our family has been unclear. I just want to express in the midst of waiting and seeking His direction for us, my gratitude for the family that he has given to me.) Here are some lessons that I have learned through them:

Parenting is a ride like no other.

There are moments that feel like a walk in the park. 

And there are those moments/days sprinkled in, too,
when you just want to hide your face and start again tomorrow...

leaving you wondering just exactly how you stack up as a parent 

to this little person that God has entrusted into your care.

I've learned there are many tasks you do over and over again.

Like fixing shoes, 

and fixing meals 

(oh, and some meals are more relaxed than others, for sure), 

and organizing and reorganizing. It's just part of it.

 But it's good and it's growing.

There are wild moments...

and testing of the waters. 

And there are some days that I feel like I'm running around 

like a chicken with my head cut off.

(i.e. mid-shopping trip melt down)

But I'm running after a little boy that is running full speed ahead

and every day for him is a new, exciting adventure to be had. 

And so I'll keep "running".

Because I don't want to miss even a single second of this crazy adventure.

I am Stephen's wife...

and James' Mama. 

And I am exactly what I always wanted to be. 

I may not have everything this world has to offer, 

but I am loved by the two that are 

everything to me in this world. 

I am rich. 

And I am thankful.

As the Mama of a boy (and I guess just as a Mama) I never knew that I would...

- try and entice him to eat cheerios and pretzels by putting them in the cargo car attached to his train.

- know all the words to the Thomas and Friends songs and have them playing in my head at all times never knowing when I will burst into song.

- memorize the names of the engines from Thomas and Friends and Chuggington (and there are a lot!) just so I could talk to him about them.

- look for grasshoppers and lizards daily and be genuinely disappointed on days that we never found any.

- kiss, rock, and give milk to toy dinosaurs, plastic ants, and various modes of transportation.

- say "thank you" for handing me his gift of pebbles found on top of the sewer cover!

- laugh when he learned the word "booger" (let alone, even say "booger" or "poop")

- cheer about "pee pee" and "poo poo" and give high fives for potty attempts.

- make noises like animals, trains, and fire trucks.

- be relieved that he ate bacon bits because he had some form of "meat" for that day...

- use the word "tender" daily and not in reference to anything sentimental or food related.

- ask him to "just wipe it on Mama's pants..."

- catch throw up in my hands and be glad I did just so I didn't have to wash the sheets one. more. time.

- double as an airplane and horsie daily.

- think a slobbery kiss was the sweetest thing.

- eat food that had been licked or fallen on the floor just so I didn't have as much to clean up.

- become such an avid golfer or football player.

I didn't know...but, boy, do I love it all. I'm so thankful for the little boy that tugs on his Mama's heart with every word and giggle.

Frustrated...

My Sweet James,

Today the frustration of your broken fire truck that was up on the counter with glue drying, and the sucker that was red instead of blue, and what Mama knew was you really just needing to get some lunch in your belly (because we got lost in playing and lost track of time) quickly turned into big, frustrated, toddler tears. And as you melted into a puddle on the floor, I sure felt so helpless and frustrated in that moment too. Maybe I should have been more firm and hard when you pushed away the plate of lunch that I made you, and maybe I should have just put you to bed knowing that the sleep would do you good. But in the midst of your frustration, I caught a little glimpse of myself and I thought about the many times that my sweet Father has dealt graciously with me in spite of my awful display. 

I got a plate and we sat on the floor together eating cheese, and crackers, and banana. You climbed up on my lap and let me stroke your blonde hair while you told me, in between bites, about "Maisy Dog" and about "Big Jet" and the "choo choo" on Little Einstein's. In no time at all you, were calm and happy with a belly full of food and acting like my sweet boy again. You told me it was time for "night night" and I held you close, so thankful that you are mine, before putting you down for your nap. 

James, these toddler days are so tough, and they are challenging me in many ways. It's hard to find the balance between the law and grace (and I know both are needed). Sometimes it's just hard to know what you need, and I just have to ask the Lord to help me and show me the way. Being a Mama makes me depend on Him so much more, because I long to do it "right." I long to please Him in my parenting, and for my parenting to make you look to Him too. 

I know there will be more frustration along the way for us both, and more days of tears and "time outs." But I am thankful today for our picnic on the floor. I want you to know that I love you, and I am so thankful that you are mine. I treasure my time with you, James. I treasure it all. I am just soaking it all in....every single picnic on the floor. And to know that you (and I) have a Father that loves you even more than that! He loves you and He is the perfect parent. Trust Him and His love. 

I love you, 

Mama

"This too shall pass..."

"This too shall pass" is a phrase that I have heard so very often since the day that I became a Mommy eighteen months ago. Sometimes hearing that phrase frustrated me, a lot of times it encouraged me, and so many time it has been so true. In time so many difficult things (for the moment) have worked themselves out, and I have been left to wonder why I spent so much of my time and energy stressing about them (and confession: googling them. I have google searched just about everything under the sun at this point...) There are a few difficult-for-the-moment things that I have weighing on my heart and mind currently (some things never change), and I know they too shall pass just like all the others. I have pondered questions the last eighteen months like: Will he ever sleep without a swaddle blanket?, Will he ever sleep without his bed for reflux babies?, Actually, will he ever just sleep?, When will he give up the pacifier?, When will he want to stay in the church nursery without crying?, Will he ever go a day without spitting up?, etc. and the list could go on and on (and that list is just of James-related things. oh my!)

This (my mysterious this of the moment) too shall pass, just like all the others. I tell myself that over and over sometimes and some days when I need more convincing. And I pray, pray, pray. And I ask the Lord if I truly was the right person for this job of raising this sweet boy, and then I thank Him that He allowed me to be his Mama despite of all the ways I surely fail and will fail in the future. In eighteen months of parenthood if I have learned anything it's that there is definitely no formula for parenting. There is no 10 step fail-proof method to follow, and sometimes that's difficult to swallow for such a by-the-book, rule follower like me. Every child is different and every mother is different. And as my mother-in-love reminded me recently, we all come into our parenting journey from different places and with different experiences which can't help but influence our choices and decisions. And the Lord knew that this journey would challenge us, change us, and refine us and require us to look to Him every step of the way. He wanted us to seek Him in how to best reach the hearts of our children. And surely He wanted us to learn about peace, patience, gentleness, self-control, etc.... all of that and so much more.

So as I ponder and pray through all of this, I know that it really is true and surely "this too shall pass." This morning I have felt God reminding me of His great love for me. I have heard Him whisper so clearly to me, "I am for you!" He knows me better than anyone and surely He understand how much I need to hear it and be reminded of it. And I know that whatever seems like an obstacle now will probably be just a distance memory in the future. So I pray that I would just embrace today and not worry so much about when or how everything will work itself out. I just want to celebrate little victories and cheer on baby steps. "This too shall pass" but until it does I just want to cherish the moment and the now. Something else will always be around the corner (a new challenge or concern), but I will never be able to do today again and so I just want to rest in this moment, this day, and this gift because I know this too shall pass.




And if this was sounding oddly familiar, I wrote something very similar about 6 months ago here. But you really can just take my word for it! And I am sure if you went digging even further you would probably find yet another very similar post. :)

Letting go...

Dear James,

Today at the playground I let you go down the big, windy slide by yourself for the very first time. I climbed up behind you to the very top, and the hardest part was just letting you go because it seemed like such a long way to go all by yourself. But once I did, you had so much fun and you were so proud of yourself! We clapped and cheered, and you climbed back up the stairs and did it over and over again. You're almost 18 months old and already there have been so many moments like that one. Moments of letting you do it on your own - letting you go, little by little. And motherhood is certainly about trying to find the balance between knowing when to let go and when to hold on. It's such a tough but wonderful, worthy calling! And even on the days that I get yet another glimpse of how quickly you are growing and I feel my heart ache, I know that I would climb mountains and swim oceans for the very privilege of being your Mama. Thank you for letting me hold you close, and thank you for being patient in the moments that it takes me a really long time to let go. But I do them both, because I love you!

Love, Mama

P.S. And if you were wondering, I was nearby the whole time. And I always will be - just incase you ever need me.

I didn't listen...

I didn't listen...

... and this afternoon I let you sleep in my arms. It's not that I didn't remember the pediatrician's advice, or didn't browse the books and articles about infant sleep, or read the weekly babycenter updates that came to my inbox. I heard and read and remembered them all. I did. I really did. It's just that this afternoon somewhere between rocking and singing and reading books together about dinosaurs and freight trains, you fell asleep. And just as I was about to go lay you down in your crib so that I could take care of the long list of things that I needed to do, I looked down at you sleeping so peacefully in my arms and decided that I was going to hold you close for a little while longer. And for a few seconds the advice of the sleep experts flooded my thoughts - about how I might mess up your sleep cycles, or delay your ability to self-soothe, or make you depend on me too much - and who I am to question them because I'm far from an expert on sleep. Actually, I'm far from an expert on anything really. But then I pushed all that aside because while I may not be an expert on many things or anything - I am the closest thing that there is to an expert on you, sweet boy. 

That doesn't mean that I have it all figured out because I certainly don't. And I've doubted myself many times about the decisions that I've made. But I am the one and only Mama that you'll ever have. And I have fed you, and held you, and dressed you, and bathed you, and read to you, and sang to you, and comforted you every single day for almost 365 days now. I know when your cry is urgent and when it's more of a whine. I know the sound of your giggle and your belly laugh. I know your favorite foods, and toys, and books. I recognize when you' re in pain, or you're scared, or the days that you just need a little extra attention. I know what you want many times before you even try to communicate it. I'm your Mama and I know you better than anyone.

So this afternoon as I let you sleep in my arms, I just got lost in reflection of all the memories of this first year with you. And as I looked down at your face, I saw the same little face of the miracle that was laid upon my chest when you were born almost a year ago - just looking a little older now. And as I breathed in your sweet baby smell, I breathed in the same familiar smell I've always known - just smelling a little more like cheerios these days and a little less like spit-up. 

I didn't listen...and this afternoon I let you sleep in my arms. But let's be honest, sweet boy. It wasn't the first time (not even close) and it may not be the last. But the last will come - just like the last time you play in the tub until your toes are wrinkly, or the last time you fall asleep to songs and bedtime stories with Mama and Daddy, or the last night of wearing footed pajamas to bed that I'll surely try and squeeze you into until your toes are peeping out of the fabric, or the last day of never having had your first haircut, or the last time you hold my hand as we cross the street. You will eventually outgrow rocking and sleeping in my arms and sitting on my lap. You will grow up - exactly like you're supposed to. And as is the great paradox of motherhood, that while my heart breaks I will be so proud and will cheer you on every step of the way. The same way I cheered on your very first steps. 

I didn't listen.. and this afternoon I let you sleep in my arms. And although the sleep experts might have frowned upon it, it seemed right. No, it was right. It was right to hold you close for a little longer...while I still can. It was right to hold you close...you, my sweet boy, the exact baby that I always wanted. And I wouldn't change a single thing about you or a single thing about this year (except maybe to worry less and trust my Mama heart more). 

I didn't listen...and this afternoon I let you sleep in my arms. And I don't regret it. Not at all. Not even a little bit.

Letter to James at One Month

Letter From Mommy:

Dear James,

I cannot believe that one month has already passed since the day that you arrived. The second that I laid eyes on you and I held you for the first time, I experienced a love that I have never known before. My heart just overflowed with love for you. Our life is so different now and so perfect at the same time. You have filled our life with so much joy. You are so sweet, patient, and wonderful in every way. Every second with you is precious to me. I love to watch your big eyes as you look at the world with a curious expression. I love when you grip my hand or shirt or you touch my face safe in your Mommy's arms. I even love to watch you sleep and listen to all the sweet sounds that you make as you dream.

I am far from perfect and I know that at times I'll make mistakes along the way, but I want you to know that you can count on me. I will be here for you always - when you are happy, when you are sad, when you skin your knee and need someone to dry your tears. If you are ever scared or feel alone, know that I am here. Know that I am your biggest fan and am cheering you on every step of the way.

I know you are going to grow up way too fast but no matter how old or how big you get, I will always love you and love you more every single day. I will always love your Daddy and will be devoted to him too. He is a wonderful man and I hope that you will grow up to be just like him. I commit to pray every day for you and pray that I can be the kind of mother that you need.

Never forget that you are so loved and so wanted and there is nothing that I wouldn't do for you. And never forget that Mommy loves you, Daddy loves you, and God loves you. Sweet James, you are a precious gift and we praise God for your life!

I love you forever,

Mommy

Letter From Daddy:

James,

You have taught me so much in this first month of your life. I cannot imagine life without you now. I am so happy and blessed that your have joined your mom and I as a part of our family and the years that we will share together will be wonderful, exciting and full of love. The main thing that you have taught me in this past month, you taught me the very first day, hour, minute and second of your life, and for this I am eternally grateful to you. You taught me how our Heavenly Father loves us. From the moment I laid eyes on you, I loved you, and that is a love that will never stop or that you could ever change. That love is unconditional and I am so glad that you showed me that because in your very first moments of life your strengthened my relationship with God.

I will not be able to promise you much in this life, but there are three things that I can promise you. First, I will always love Jesus. Not only will I always love Him, but I promise to model a good relationship with Him so that you can follow that model and grow to follow our Savior. I promise to always lead our home in a Christlike manner and as the Spiritual Leader of our household, you can always count on me to look to Jesus for guidance on the way our family should go.

Second, I will always love your mother. We spent three years together before you arrived into our lives and in that time we had highs and lows. We used all of those experiences to grow closer together as a couple and I can assure you, that will never change. We will be together for our whole lives and you can always count on the fact that we love each other and will be husband and wife for as long as we are your Dad and Mom,

Third, I will always love YOU! Nothing will ever change this fact. Nothing you do, nothing you say, or nothing that happens will ever make me love you less. I will always be there for you. If you need help with homework, I will be there. If you need to know how to throw a baseball, I will be there. If you want to talk, I will be there. If you want to laugh, I will be there. If you need to pray, I will be there. You can always count on me because I love you!

I am your Dad, you are my son and I pray we have a relationship that Glorifies our Heavenly Father and His Son! I love you, James!

Daddy