37 and 38 Weeks (Past and Present!)

I love comparison pictures! I'm sure that after Jude arrives, I will post some pictures comparing their looks side-by-side (and maybe personalities) at different stages. These two pregnancies have been pretty similar for the most part. As far as how I've felt health-wise, with Jude I was a lot sicker in the first (and now third trimester) with morning sickness (and now heartburn and nausea) than I was with James but really I "felt" very similar with both boys basically throughout. And as far as cravings, they were basically the same - just a little bit more cheese, Moe's, and Sour Patch Kids with James and a little more peanut butter, fruit, and jelly beans with Jude.

I have gained almost the same amount of weight, they have measured similarly the last few weeks (about a week behind on the measuring tape), and with both pregnancies I've progressed early (and then slowly!) - James starting at 37 weeks and Jude at 36 weeks. And both boys have managed to just "hang in there" with true persistence! (That makes me slightly nervous that we have another strong-willed little love on our hands, but either way he will be wonderful!) 

Thought I'd share some pictures of both pregnancies at 37 and 38 weeks. :) And a little pregnancy update as well - we're still hanging in there for now. :)

37 weeks with Jude.

37 weeks with James.

38 weeks with Jude.

38 weeks with James. 

And just a brief update on how things are going after today's appointment:
- Jude's HR was in the 150's and measuring around 37 weeks.
- I dropped a few pounds from last week (but I'm sure he didn't!) but have been sick the last couple of days. (My doctor thinks it may have been a bug?)
- Still making slow, steady progress: now around 70% and likely dilated more but "hard to tell exactly without torturing me because of his very low position." Eeeesh! (Hope that wasn't too many details!)
- Doctor's Predictions: He will probably be in the 7 pound range (under 8 pounds) at birth (also like James!) and the labor should be relatively brief! (I'm great with both of these since their Daddy was almost 10 pounds at birth! And everyone wants to have a relatively brief labor, right?!?) As far as when he'll come? It could be "any day" but there's no way to really know. He'll definitely be here by Tuesday, June 11th though! 13 days (or less) and counting...!

Memorial Day

One of Stephen's off days is Monday (our "weekend" is just whenever he is off and so we are just learning to try and take advantage of the time that we do have together whenever we get the chance!) and we were happy that it happened to fall on Memorial Day so that we could have a little fun together as a family. We are exactly two weeks (or less!) away from Jude's arrival, and so we are trying very hard to balance having fun as a family with the list of to-do's that just need to be taken care of before he arrives as well. Stephen is working 60 hours a week right now (which is tiring for us all in different ways!), and unfortunately there are just things that have been accumulating on a list for a while of things that need to be taken care of when he is home (that I just can't do myself) like yard projects, changing out light bulbs, little home repairs, etc.

Yesterday we stayed close to home (with the exception of a trip to Home Depot to get some supplies for fixing a few things!), but we did manage to squeeze in a little fun too! Thankfully, James thinks riding in the race car cart at Home Depot is an adventure in itself and they also happened to be giving away free hotdogs and chips yesterday to all their customers so he was just beyond himself with excitement! And, of course, coming home to "help" Daddy and getting to use tools was just icing on the cake!

After getting a few things scratched off the list, James was able to show off his swimming skills for Daddy in the neighborhood pool and we enjoyed eating dinner together out on our patio. I snapped a few pictures of our Memorial Day fun (minus the home repair projects!). :)

We have been enjoying the pool so much since it opened! It has been a good change of pace for us and has really taken my mind off wondering when Jude will arrive. It has made me feel a lot better to be able to be active without being so hot! James has been loving it too!

James wanted to take a picture of "Jude!" He's still hanging in there for now but will definitely be here exactly two weeks from today, if not before. I am still making slow and steady progress toward the goal of having a baby (and being in active labor!). I am starting to realize this second time around that this might just be my pattern for labor (James and Jude are doing the exact same thing!) and I am just one that starts making progress early (and slowly!) until our babies arrive. Maybe that will make for a shorter, easier labor?!? I can hope, right?
 I was really struggling with anxiety when I found out we were already moving toward that goal at 36 weeks and very much not wanting him to come too soon! (It's also tiring trying to constantly keep the house "up" and keep things clean and organized, feeling like I could go into labor anytime...and wanting Stephen to be home and help me get the hospital. All the "what ifs" create some fear and I'm trying to pray through that!) I guess the waiting and wondering is just hard, but I know he will come right when he's supposed to and God is in control and sovereign over every detail. 

Another picture from the James-Cam :)

I know this watermelon is gigantic, but I have been craving watermelon for a long time now! We finally broke down and bought one (even though they will probably be a little cheaper further into the season) two weeks before Jude is due! I am loving it!

Our Memorial Day Dinner: Burgers, Beans, Chips and Dip, and Watermelon! 

We found this little picnic table for James at Big Lots for the best price! I plan to eat lots of meals out on the porch in the nice weather (I love the outdoors!) and also use it for preschool activities in the fall. James kept pretending like Jude was sitting with him at the table and even pretended to pick him up and carry him inside after dinner. I love it. :)

Hope you all had a great Memorial Day! I return to the doctor tomorrow so maybe I'll post more baby updates, if I have a chance.  But, honestly, the closer we get to his due date I'm just starting to think that he might just hang in there (like his big brother!) a few more weeks! But stay tuned... I can't wait to share of his arrival whenever he makes his debut and post pictures of this sweet little blessing that is about to change our lives in a big way!

More on the Journey: There Will Always Be Another Storm

Our family has been on quite the journey the last few years. And if you have followed our blog long enough, while I haven't shared the gory details and don't plan to at this point in our lives, you are aware that there has been struggle and heartbreak but also much joy that comes from learning (sometimes painfully) to be totally dependent on God and Him alone.

God's timing sometimes seems like a peculiar thing to us. His thoughts and His ways are so much higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9), and so I've learned somewhere along the way in my faith journey to just trust that He ultimately knows best. He is the artist and He sees the full picture in a way that I, in my limited being, simply can't this side of heaven. The last two years we've prayed and waited for many things and the answers to those petitions have looked different each time. We've grown through waiting and we've grown through seeing Him answer in miraculous ways. But in every way God chose to answer, we've grown -- and we've tried to be quick to thank Him for giving us what He knew was best for us (not necessarily what we wanted). We've seen Him provide for our every need when logic, reason, and just simple mathematics did not add up or balance. That's the kind of God that He is. More than our efforts and more than any comfort or "security" that comes from this world. He is more. But more than that, He is enough.

We wondered about His timing once again as we watched along with the rest of the country yesterday afternoon as storms tore through Oklahoma City and we tried to make sense of the heartbreak, loss, and destruction in the lives of so many. Ironically, as we watched in disbelief the painful images on the television screen in our living room, one of the final answers to our prayers, what we had probably viewed as the answer of all answers in this long journey, arrived simultaneously in our mailbox. A long awaited day that we had always imagined would be followed with celebration, what seemed like an ending to a lengthy trial and storm in our lives and a sense of closure to this particularly painful chapter, was rather anticlimactic in light of this literal storm wreaking havoc on everyone in it's path.

Do we view the events of life as simply happenstance or coincidence or as believers do we seek to understand the lessons to be learned in God's perfect timing? I am far from a Biblical scholar. I'm really just very ordinary in many ways. But as I reflected on the timing of these two simultaneous events, I felt God speaking a few simple truths to my heart:

1. There will always be another storm. Sometimes the storms may come as a result of sin or poor choices in our life or the lives of others close to us, and sometimes making sense of life's storms goes beyond just the reality of sin. The storms of life may be equivalent to an afternoon thunderstorm at times (daily challenges or inconveniences to overcome) and sometimes they may come with a force that brings about catastrophic results in our life and everyone in it's wake. The question isn't whether the storms will come, because they most certainly will. God has taught me in the last few years that more importantly is what my response will be to the storm when it does come. God has allowed me some insight into myself as I have walked through this (I think, safe to say) life-altering journey the last few years and one thing that I've learned is that I have great difficulty trusting others at times (and probably rightly so) and it can certainly feel easier to just shut down and simply depend on myself rather than to have to know the pain of feeling alone or forgotten (or unworthy of love) in those times of need in my life. But I've also learned that one result of my inability to fully trust others at times, created an inability for me to fully depend on and trust God with the details of my life as well. I think it's wise (not pessimistic) to have a healthy understanding that people close to us are going to let us down from time to time just as we will, likewise, let others down as well. But regardless of the hurts and disappointments that we face, God will never leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6). He will not let us down. He is always in our corner. So we can trust -- in the only one that is fully trustworthy.

Some trust in chariots or some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. Psalm 20:7

2. He is always the answer that we seek. Through God's timing in His answer to our prayers, we discovered that the ultimate answer, the answer of all answers, was not really what we thought it was all along. Had he answered this final request in this chapter of our lives more quickly, our circumstances and decisions (and next few years of our lives) could look far different than what they will now. He knows best and we just need to rest in that. It's so simple and yet so hard - to not do a thing. Just to trust and obey. And rest. He is the answer that we seek and He is bigger than a document, or a paycheck, or a job offer. He is bigger and better than it all.

-----------

Stephen and I have always had a good relationship and a good marriage, but the stress and trials of life can certainly bring about seasons in a marriage that are clearly more difficult and challenging than others. The last few weeks, God has really just brought a time of renewed closeness and joy (and fun and laughter!) in our marriage. I am thankful for the last few weeks of just laughing together, because we have a baby that will be arriving within days or weeks at most (if he has just an ounce of the stubbornness and persistence in his DNA as the rest of our little crew it will probably be weeks!) and I know firsthand how a newborn and lack of sleep definitely shakes things up for a while (and responses can be short and grumpiness can abound, if we aren't careful!). I'm thankful for the many, many lessons that I have learned the last two years. But one of the things that I'm most thankful for is the recognition that while Stephen and I will likely offend each other countless times throughout the next 186 years of marriage and life together, we can and will overcome anything if we are committed to the God who can enable us to love with a love "that covers a multitude of sins." (1 Peter 4:8)

We eagerly await the arrival of our new baby boy, our Jude, whose name aptly means "praise" and "thanks." The timing of this most precious gift of new life in our family will be a huge part of our testimony (in the tiniest of packages!) to the gratitude that flows freely from our hearts for who God has has been to us in this difficult season -- and to who He has been to us always and who He always will be. I will give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart, and I will glorify your name forever. Psalm 86:12

What a journey this has been - a (sometimes difficult but) joyful journey! Whatever the circumstances and regardless of the storms that come our way for as long as we are given another day of life on this earth, may there always be joy in the journey!

36 Week Update: Baby Coming Soon?

How far along are you? 36 weeks (His estimated due date is just 28 days away!)

Total Weight Gain? 30ish - its true! But feeling good about my diet, exercise, and overall health throughout the pregnancy so just continuing to trust my body is doing what it needs.

How big is the baby? Babycenter says: Your baby, almost 6 pounds and still packing on the pounds at a rate of about an ounce a day, is comparable to a crenshaw melon in size. (Length: more than 18 1/2 inches, head to heel.)

Earlier in the pregnancy, I felt like Jude might end up being a  really big boy but now I'm predicting he'll be about the same size as James at birth.

Maternity Clothes? Yes!

Sleep? Not sleeping as well or as long at this point, but I'm just allowing myself to sleep when I can (no guilt!). I have been taking a nap most days whenever James does since I am not sleeping wonderfully at night and it helps a lot. I'm thinking heartburn definitely has something to do with not sleeping as well (along with going to the bathroom and just a big belly to contend with!). This heartburn is way more intense than it was with James for whatever reason, but, I know, this too shall pass.

Best moment this week? I had a 36 week doctor's appointment today, and I am definitely making quite a bit of progress. I know from my experience with James that it's very possible to walk around at a 4 for 2 weeks without going into labor (because I very much did!), so I take all of this information in with a grain of salt. However, I am also aware that this could mean that he will be coming sooner rather than later as well so I'm definitely going to be prepared (hospital bag and all!) just in case. Hope its not too much information on the blog (feel free to move on to the next questions!) but for my records, I am already at a 2, 50%, and the baby has dropped and she said his head is "very low." We also have a bit of a plan in place after today's appointment, and so Jude will be coming on Tuesday, June 11th (39.5 weeks) if he does not come before then. All of this news and just realizing we are at about three weeks away from meeting him (or less!) is definitely exciting!

Movement? He's still very active, but I can tell he has less space than before to move around.

Food Cravings/Aversions? Fruity, refreshing things like frozen peach fruit bars (this week's little treat from the grocery store!), and I still need real food and lots of protein or my blood sugar just crashes and I get extremely light headed. I'm also completely avoiding fried foods, citrus, caffeine, chocolate, etc. to hopefully help minimize the heartburn from here on out.

Morning Sickness? I'm only sick when I have extreme heartburn. 

Other Symptoms? Contractions much more often now and some pressure and nerve pain (I guess?) shooting down into my legs from his low position.

Gender? A sweet boy! Jude Brooks Johnson! 

What I'm looking forward to: Meeting Jude very soon! I am busy preparing for his arrival (Even helped wash shutters, windows, and cars this week! So I am definitely nesting!), but I know nothing can prepare me for that instant love that comes when he's placed in my arms and my heart grows to love another precious child with the most intense devotion, just like I did with James. I also really looking forward to knowing what he looks like (I always just picture him the way James did as a newborn since he's our only child so far and his newborn look just comes to my mind easily when I daydream about Jude's arrival) and learning everything about him that makes him uniquely him. 

Wednesday in Our World: Strawberries and Butterflies

We took a a short drive to a strawberry farm near our house this morning, and we all throughly enjoyed a little strawberry picking. It was a first for all of us! We came home with lots of strawberries so I'm sure we'll be eating them for quite a while with meals, in smoothies (already have some in the freezer!), and I am in the midst of making a strawberry shortcake as well!

After observing the full life cycle of the butterfly the last few weeks, we also released our little guys outside in the backyard this afternoon. It was a great experience (James really seemed to love it!), and I hope to order more caterpillars next spring to observe the process all over again. Hopefully we'll have the chance to watch the butterflies around our house in the next few weeks as well. :)

Mother's Day 2013 and Other Little Tidbits

I can't believe that yesterday marked my fourth Mother's Day as Mama to my precious one. That very first mother's day my baby boy was just a few months old and everything was so brand new, and it is just unreal to think how quickly the time has passed already and how much James has changed (and I have changed!) in a few short years. We didn't get to have a big celebration yesterday because Stephen had to work a 14 hour day (yikes! Thankfully, this won't be our typical Sunday routine.), but the last few years have really put things in perspective for me in many ways. And so I just asked God to help me focus yesterday on how immensely grateful that I am for this answer to prayer in our lives and for this new job opportunity (despite the fact that we missed him, of course) and that God has allowed Stephen to excel in this new place of employment already and has given him so many opportunities to minister to many people - God is just so evidently at work in this new job! And Stephen is being used for God's glory. I am so proud of him and just excited to see what exactly the Lord is up to in all of this. :)

We still tried to make the most of the day! Stephen made a breakfast casserole recipe that I had found recently (before he had to head off to work and before James and I headed off to church) and he and James also picked out a yummy danish to go with it. James also chose a blue hydrangea plant for me (with Stephen's help) that they are going to plant in our yard soon to hopefully keep the butterflies that we "raised" coming back from year to year. They also made a little artwork/card for my "Mama Book." I cherish these priceless gifts.

Next year our mother's day picture will look very different! 

I thank God for this little boy that made me a mother three years and three months ago. God has blessed us with a wonderful and precious relationship already, and I just pray that the special bond that we share would only grow closer through the years. I am far from perfect, but I don't take this calling lightly or for granted - I recognize how truly blessed I am to have the privilege to mother him daily.

My blue hydrangea and some flowers Stephen brought home from work on mother's day evening.

(Almost) 36 weeks with blessing #2. I am so ready to meet him! 

Monday is one of Stephen's days off and so we celebrated mother's day (a day later) starting off with a delicious Cracker Barrel breakfast.

It's not about the day we celebrate but the people that we have to celebrate in our life that is truly most important! And those are two of the three boys (playing checkers!) that mean everything in the world to me. :)

Admiring the rockers! 

I requested a relaxing day at the park and suggested we celebrate by taking James fishing for the first time with the pole he got for his birthday. I definitely embrace being a "boy mom!"

James kept saying "I'm doing it nice and steady" as he reeled it in.

Little Fishing Family that didn't catch a single fish - maybe next time!

We came home to a surprise in the mail box from my Aunt Tami - a personalized diaper bag for Jude!
I was so excited that I went ahead and hung it by the door along with James' bag. These little gifts and reminders are making his coming arrival so much more real. (We were also thankful to be showered with some gift cards from Granddaddy and Nana this week for both Jude and James. I'm looking forward to picking out some things he needs (and maybe just a few wants!) very soon!)

I made a burlap door hanger for Jude that corresponds with his nursery just like I did for James before he was born. I was really happy with how it turned out (for doing it myself)! I plan to bring it to the hospital to decorate our room while we are there, and then I'll place it on the boys'  bedroom door along with the birthday door hanger that I made for James when we get back home. 

For Moms...

Ever since becoming a mother, I have been sort of collecting encouraging articles and resources along the journey. Usually they just encourage (or convict!) me personally and so I want to hold onto them, but I hope to start actually printing some and compiling a little file soon (rather than just bookmarking them on the computer! I'm not so tech-savvy, I know.) so that I could share with others as well. I have always had a heart for children's ministry and served in that role for a time before becoming a mom, but I think that in addition to children, ministry to moms will be a large part of however God might choose to use me in the future in ministry as well...whenever that time comes and whatever that might look like.

I came across this song that I had never heard before while reading another blog and thought it captured so beautifully a mother's prayer for her child. I thought I would share it here.

Oh, and one more article that I had planned to share a few days ago but then we had a broken water heater for two days, had multiple members of the household throwing up, had to break into the house and replace the door knob on our front door after locking ourselves out, had a mini-garage sale this morning after our neighborhood/community garage sale was rained out last weekend and I couldn't stand to have all the piles of stuff just sitting around until they rescheduled (I have a baby on the way, after all!) etc...you know, just life....I never got around to posting it. But it is probably one of the most encouraging and just best articles I've ever read on the issue of pro-life/abortion and what a busy mother can do in her daily mothering to live a pro-life life...Seriously, just read it. It is so, so good: http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/the-real-life-of-the-pro-life-home

Happy Mother's Day (on Sunday!) to all of the mothers (whatever season of motherhood you find yourself!) and to all the precious women that have shown love and kindness to me as a mother and/or invested their time in the life of my little one or in the lives of so many others!

Swing into Spring

Spring has definitely sprung in this house. We are literally just surrounded by new life right now. We've been observing several critters in and around our house, watching (usually daily) the Curious George Swings into Spring episode followed by lengthy discussions with our three year old scientist on his thoughts on whether the chicken or egg came first, and watching with joy and laughter as the littlest life amongst us does summersaults and karate kicks inside his Mama's tummy every night at bedtime. James is absorbing a lot about new life right now, and regardless of the minute details that he actually takes away from this season (although it seems like he's understanding a lot!), I know that most importantly he knows, for sure, that God is the giver and sustainer of it all.

We've got caterpillars in our kitchen!

I found a complete caterpillar/butterfly kit that had never been used at Goodwill for only a $1.
Finding this treasure brought great joy to this teacher's heart. And we observed these hungry
caterpillars grow and grow for many days. I have also enjoyed James "reading" The Very Hungry Caterpillar book
to me regularly the last few weeks - his version is amazing and so imaginative!

And, finally, they made their ascent to the top of the cup and all ten "big, fat caterpillars" formed themselves into chrysalises.  And now we are just waiting patiently for the final transformation... the painted lady butterflies that will soon emerge.

We've been catching bugs both real and imagined. 

We found an empty (thankfully!) hornet's nest and I watched in amazement yesterday as James walked around so confidently with our librarian at story time to show each child what he had found. I was so proud of him!

We constructed and painted a bird house and have spent a great deal of time lately bird watching from the kitchen window.

James can now recognize the difference between a male and female cardinal.

And I have decided after all this bird watching that the cardinal is my favorite bird. It's funny how our children provide us the opportunity to slow down and truly appreciate all the things that God created that we didn't pay nearly as much attention to beforehand.

And a new season has come for our family as well. After much waiting, wondering, and praying for direction about next steps (after maybe the hardest 18 months of our entire lives), God has opened up a new door for us and the path of what the next few years will look like is finally more clear. I knew and believed that our spring would come. I never could have predicted that the waiting would be as long as it was, but, just like no one can ever exactly predict when seasons will change, we know for certain that they always will. It's the kind of order that God set up in the world and in our lives...we rest in knowing that spring is on the horizon but ultimately it is He that brings about the change of seasons in His time.

Our spring, a new stable job for Stephen after 18 long months of looking for one, came about exactly one day before I (big, pregnant belly and all!) was to go to a follow-up interview for a full-time ministry position in a local church nearby our home. If I were going to work and minister outside the home, the position and circumstances couldn't have been better. We would finally be able to afford for Stephen to finish his remaining seminary courses in the next two to three years and then hopefully move back into full-time ministry soon after and finally be able to breathe a sigh of relief (financially speaking) after struggling for so long. Of course, my heart was so torn and part of me was already mourning (before Jude was even born) the thought of having to leave James and Jude, but my constant, daily prayer in the whole process was "Lord, I am willing if this is your desire for our family, but, also, if there is another way please (please! please! oh, there were lots of pleases!) open that door." I had gotten in touch with references, had my second interview lined up (outfit picked out!), and was fully expecting that this was going to happen and likely the direction that God was leading and the way that He was going to provide for our family financially. I knew and believed that He could open another door, but after 18 months of praying for one, in all honesty, I didn't think that He was going to. And then what seemed like a phone call just "out of the blue" (to us anyway! Not to Him. God is always right on time), the Lord opened up a great opportunity for Stephen with the offer of a job that came just one day (probably exactly 24 hours!) before my interview and six weeks before our new baby boy. The opportunity and details all came together so quickly - in a way that could only be orchestrated by Him and in a way that only He could get the glory. The job brings with it some stability (while we acknowledge that true security is only found in Him) and the chance for Stephen to finally finish school and the opportunity for me to continue to stay at home with James and Jude, my heart's desire and the thing that I have always longed for most in this season. I can't express in words my gratitude for this new season and new opportunity... and even for the last 18 months of struggling because of what God has done in me (and in all of us) through it. And I don't want to waste it...what He has done in me or who He has become to me. I don't want to waste any of it. I want to recognize and proclaim that every good thing comes only from His hand in both the plenty and the want. I don't want to forget one single thing that He has done.

It won't be the last time that we watch the seasons change, and I'm sure it won't be the last time we long for spring again in this lifetime. But it's every season that He brings (and allows!) that makes the spring so beautiful and refreshing.

And a few more thoughts on seasons...(written way more eloquently than I ever could!)

Wordless Wednesday (Snapshots from the Phone)

Confession.  This will be an almost Wordless Wednesday post, because I'm not sure that I can ever be truly wordless. Unless Jude arrives on a Wednesday. Maybe I could let that sweetness speak for itself. Maybe...

Here are a few snapshots of Wednesday in our world:

34 week belly with Jude.

A few hours later, a few inches less hair, and a few years (yes, years!! eeeek!) since I last cut it. Not proud of that fact, but it is what it is. I vow to do better. 

I told James "Don't get me wet!" as I took this picture (because no bathing suits are being worn by this Mama in our very open backyard at 9 months pregnant!). And just by looking at the little mischievous look on his face, I'm sure you can only guess what happened next...
(And one more confession: I love it! And I think he knows it too...)