I want to record Joah's birth story before any more time passes. He is already three weeks old, and even though we are still working out the kinks of our new normal he already fits so perfectly into our family. The first few nights at home with him as we sat around the dinner table together as a family of five, I was completely overwhelmed with joy and gratitude as I looked around at the faces of "my people" and I felt a sense of completeness that's hard to explain. (But if this
is the last baby God has planned for our family, there is a level of contentedness now even in the midst of the slight sadness of realizing this could be the last baby I carry, the last newborn phase, etc. that feels different than I did after our previous two babies.)
Joah's original due date was Mother's Day (5-10-15) but I always knew that he would almost certainly come before then, although I will always think of him as the most perfect, precious Mother's Day gift. When I started having contractions that we monitored at the hospital around 32 weeks (earlier than I had with the other two) and was given instructions to "rest as much as possible" especially for the next month (not official "bedrest"), we anticipated that he would come a lot earlier. I continued to have irregular contractions in the coming weeks that made progress but never became an active labor situation. With each doctor's visit she noted that everything was continually progressing and favorable for labor and predicted that he could come at any point, but in keeping with the exact same pattern as his two big brothers, Joah held out to the point that we could schedule an induction date for 39 weeks.
I still really hoped that he would decide to come on his own but with the progress I had already made I felt more than comfortable to go forward with the induction if we made it to that point. (As someone that likes a plan and is not super spontaneous, there is some comfort to me in knowing that when the time arrived my husband would definitely be home, my kids would be with Stephen's parents, and we wouldn't be flying down the road trying to get to the hospital in time.)
So, at my last appointment we solidified the plan for an induction and decided on Monday, May 4th which was 39 weeks and 1 day (which Stephen pointed out to me later was National Star Wars Day and he and James were super excited about the idea of Joah coming on this date). We tried to enjoy our last weekend as a family of four: we took a last zoo trip together on Friday, played in the yard and stayed close to home on Saturday, and Sunday after church we (skipped naps) enjoyed Steel City Pops, let the boys play in the inflatable pool, cooked chicken on the grill, and had a special story time with the boys (with a new book I had picked out for each one just like I had done for James before Jude was born) before an early bedtime.
We had to leave for the hospital at 4:30 the next morning. We had debated for a while about the exact plan for the boys, but because Jude had been waking up about 5:30-6:00 anyway and based on how quickly Jude had come the last time I was induced we just decided to bring them on with us and have Stephen's parents meet us at the hospital. We let them sleep until the last minute and then loaded them in the van. When we arrived at the hospital about 5:15, the boys stayed in the hospital playroom with Stephen's parents to play and eat breakfast and Stephen and I went to check in. After paper work and tons of questions that the nurse recorded in the computer, I was hooked up to monitors, fluids, checked (4 cm and 80%) and pitocin was started around 6:30. After about an hour on pitocin, Dr. C arrived and broke my water at 7:30. At this point, Stephen's parents came with the boys to hang out with us in our hospital room for a while.
I remember asking about the epidural several times. Although I was not in excruciating pain yet, I was ready to push within an hour of my water being broken with Jude so I was very concerned that they would miss the window to be able do it. I learned that I had to be on fluids for a certain amount of time before receiving it and we also had forgotten that my induction had started two hours earlier with Jude so I had been on pitocin several extra hours before Dr. C broke my water the previous induction which made things seem faster.
At 9:45 they sent the anesthesiologist to administer the epidural. We ended up talking a lot about faith and his family's current search for a church and how they had been hurt in their previous church because of the pastor embracing/allowing things in the church that ultimately conflicted with God's Word. We also talked about the meaning of Joah's name and he actually sat in my room and looked up the scripture references for Joah. I loved that because most people don't even really ask about his name. He said our conversation had "made his day!" Ha! One of the things that I loved about Shelby with Joah and Jude's births were the committed Christians that had played a role in the birth and in our care from my doctor, to the chaplain, the anesthesiologists (both times), the amazing lactation consultant, etc.
At some point after the epidural the contractions began to intensify and, unfortunately, it was not working on my right side. I had Stephen go inform our nurse, Beverly, and she referred to them as "hot spots" and said they may work themselves out and had me lay on that side to try and move the medicine that way. But by 11:00 I was having intense pain with every contraction on my right side in my back and abdomen and the nurse checked and said I was "complete."
I assumed that I needed to begin pushing right away, but because I had an epidural and was not feeling an urge to push, the nurse said we could wait (as she bolused more on the epidural pump) and/or call for the anesthesiologist to come back and see if he could get the epidural working on my right side. Pastor Danny had also been texting with Stephen to check on us and we asked him to pray specifically about the pain. I don't remember specifics of the next hour or so because all I could think about was getting through each painful contraction (that were coming 2-3 minutes apart) but Stephen tried to help in any way he could during the pain of the contractions while we waited for the anesthesiologist to return and finally (with no concept of how much time had passed) I decided that I just wanted to go ahead and deliver the baby and push through the pain. While the nurse got everything set up for delivery and called for the nurses that care for the baby, I began to feel relief from the pain on my right side. And my left side was so numb (too numb!) by this point from receiving a double dose, but I was just thankful to have some relief from the pain.
As I began pushing at around 12:20, Dr. C came in because she had received the page that I was "complete" over an hour ago but had not gotten a call that we were ready for her and she didn't want to miss the delivery so she actually ended up being there to encourage me through the whole process. I loved that she encouraged me by name and also referred to Joah by name. Early in the pushing process she had me put on an oxygen mask because Joah's heart rate was dropping and she said it would help him and be incentive to get him out...which it was. After about 20 minutes of pushing and maybe five or six pushes, Joah arrived at 12:43 pm. As I looked down to see him for the first time, Dr. C moved the cord which was looped over his neck which had obviously been the cause for his heart rate decreasing and they laid him on my chest. My first thought was that he was perfect and looked tinier than our other babies. And as they took him away to clean him, weigh and measure him, etc. I thought he looked a lot like James did to me as a newborn but with a head full of hair like Jude. I also remember commenting as I heard his first cries that he sounded like my baby. His cry wasn't exactly like the other two but, yet, it was familiar. Even by his cry, I knew he was mine.
Joah weighed 7 pounds 9 ounces and was 19 inches long (he was our tiniest baby). He received a 9.9 on the apgar and everything looked perfect! We got to hold him and I got to nurse him right away. Then shortly after, Stephen's parents and the boys came in to meet him. James came in first carrying a blue elephant balloon that Nana and Grandpa has let him pick out and he was so excited and proud. Jude was a little more cautious but still seemed excited about Joah and talked about/pointed to his eyes but he did not want to touch him right away.
The boys got to come up and visit several times during our hospital stay but it was very emotional to send them home each night without me, and as much as I loved the quiet of snuggling our newest little blessing my heart felt torn in both directions. We had a good hospital stay, had quite a few visitors from church come see us, and had no major complications other than a hearing screen that Joah did pass before we left (fluid can get trapped in the ears and interfere in the early hours/days). Regardless of fluid or something more serious, I prayed over him that night before that last screen and asked God for healing for him. I shouldn't have been shocked when she came back and said "this time he passed right away!"
I was, once again, so thankful for the great care we received at Shelby but I was so happy and ready to go home on Wednesday afternoon as a family of five!
Those are probably more details than anyone ever wanted or needed to know about Joah's birth (even him!), but I think there is a sacredness in the details. The Bible says that the very hairs on our head are numbered (Matthew 10:30) and before a word is on our tongue God knows it completely (Psalm 139:4). God knows us intimately. He cares about the details. In the story of the good shepherd, we recognize that even with 99 other sheep the shepherd (Jesus) seeks after the one that was lost. James made me a mother on February 5, 2010 but all three of my boys are altogether different and unique from one another. One could never replace the other. I am mother and shepherd to them all. Their appearances will vary, their strengths and interests will differ, and God's plan for each of their lives may be worked out in different ways and through different career paths. And so as much as people joke about a third child getting less pictures and a pacifier that's pulled from a dog's mouth and put back in versus sanitized like the first baby (and to an extent there is truth to these generalizations), in recording the details of our third baby's birth I hope he will one day recognize that it was no less special or miraculous to us. That his life is just as special and wonderful to us even if we had experienced the miracle of birth two times before. This is just the beginning of a story that God has already ordained:
"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be." (Psalm 139:13-16)
Joah, little "brother of God" we pray that you would walk closely with Jesus all of your days. We pray that you would know how much you are loved by your Mama, Daddy, and big brothers but most of all we pray that you know the depth of God's love for you: "
how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." And we pray that we would love you with a love that could only come from God and would point you to Him.
I love you forever,
Mama
