Frustrated...

My Sweet James,

Today the frustration of your broken fire truck that was up on the counter with glue drying, and the sucker that was red instead of blue, and what Mama knew was you really just needing to get some lunch in your belly (because we got lost in playing and lost track of time) quickly turned into big, frustrated, toddler tears. And as you melted into a puddle on the floor, I sure felt so helpless and frustrated in that moment too. Maybe I should have been more firm and hard when you pushed away the plate of lunch that I made you, and maybe I should have just put you to bed knowing that the sleep would do you good. But in the midst of your frustration, I caught a little glimpse of myself and I thought about the many times that my sweet Father has dealt graciously with me in spite of my awful display. 

I got a plate and we sat on the floor together eating cheese, and crackers, and banana. You climbed up on my lap and let me stroke your blonde hair while you told me, in between bites, about "Maisy Dog" and about "Big Jet" and the "choo choo" on Little Einstein's. In no time at all you, were calm and happy with a belly full of food and acting like my sweet boy again. You told me it was time for "night night" and I held you close, so thankful that you are mine, before putting you down for your nap. 

James, these toddler days are so tough, and they are challenging me in many ways. It's hard to find the balance between the law and grace (and I know both are needed). Sometimes it's just hard to know what you need, and I just have to ask the Lord to help me and show me the way. Being a Mama makes me depend on Him so much more, because I long to do it "right." I long to please Him in my parenting, and for my parenting to make you look to Him too. 

I know there will be more frustration along the way for us both, and more days of tears and "time outs." But I am thankful today for our picnic on the floor. I want you to know that I love you, and I am so thankful that you are mine. I treasure my time with you, James. I treasure it all. I am just soaking it all in....every single picnic on the floor. And to know that you (and I) have a Father that loves you even more than that! He loves you and He is the perfect parent. Trust Him and His love. 

I love you, 

Mama