"This too shall pass..."

"This too shall pass" is a phrase that I have heard so very often since the day that I became a Mommy eighteen months ago. Sometimes hearing that phrase frustrated me, a lot of times it encouraged me, and so many time it has been so true. In time so many difficult things (for the moment) have worked themselves out, and I have been left to wonder why I spent so much of my time and energy stressing about them (and confession: googling them. I have google searched just about everything under the sun at this point...) There are a few difficult-for-the-moment things that I have weighing on my heart and mind currently (some things never change), and I know they too shall pass just like all the others. I have pondered questions the last eighteen months like: Will he ever sleep without a swaddle blanket?, Will he ever sleep without his bed for reflux babies?, Actually, will he ever just sleep?, When will he give up the pacifier?, When will he want to stay in the church nursery without crying?, Will he ever go a day without spitting up?, etc. and the list could go on and on (and that list is just of James-related things. oh my!)

This (my mysterious this of the moment) too shall pass, just like all the others. I tell myself that over and over sometimes and some days when I need more convincing. And I pray, pray, pray. And I ask the Lord if I truly was the right person for this job of raising this sweet boy, and then I thank Him that He allowed me to be his Mama despite of all the ways I surely fail and will fail in the future. In eighteen months of parenthood if I have learned anything it's that there is definitely no formula for parenting. There is no 10 step fail-proof method to follow, and sometimes that's difficult to swallow for such a by-the-book, rule follower like me. Every child is different and every mother is different. And as my mother-in-love reminded me recently, we all come into our parenting journey from different places and with different experiences which can't help but influence our choices and decisions. And the Lord knew that this journey would challenge us, change us, and refine us and require us to look to Him every step of the way. He wanted us to seek Him in how to best reach the hearts of our children. And surely He wanted us to learn about peace, patience, gentleness, self-control, etc.... all of that and so much more.

So as I ponder and pray through all of this, I know that it really is true and surely "this too shall pass." This morning I have felt God reminding me of His great love for me. I have heard Him whisper so clearly to me, "I am for you!" He knows me better than anyone and surely He understand how much I need to hear it and be reminded of it. And I know that whatever seems like an obstacle now will probably be just a distance memory in the future. So I pray that I would just embrace today and not worry so much about when or how everything will work itself out. I just want to celebrate little victories and cheer on baby steps. "This too shall pass" but until it does I just want to cherish the moment and the now. Something else will always be around the corner (a new challenge or concern), but I will never be able to do today again and so I just want to rest in this moment, this day, and this gift because I know this too shall pass.




And if this was sounding oddly familiar, I wrote something very similar about 6 months ago here. But you really can just take my word for it! And I am sure if you went digging even further you would probably find yet another very similar post. :)

James is 12 months old!

Wow! What a year! James is now 12 months old and I understand now why it is such a milestone birthday. We have celebrated the gift of his life the last few days and how God has blessed us with such a happy, healthy little boy. I think Stephen and I also have celebrated the fact that we have "survived" (but hopefully more than just survived) our first year as parents. I know we started out this journey of parenthood facing so many unknowns and feeling uncertain about so many things. I know there will likely be more unknowns and uncertainty to come in the future, but we have learned so much in this first year with our little guy. We have made it through sleepless nights, colicky days, reflux troubles, parenting decisions with no clear-cut right or wrong answer -- I know the list could go on for days. I also know that this is just the beginning and there will be more trying times ahead (just different) for as long as we are James' parents. I have never prayed more honestly or sincerely than I have this year and I'm so thankful to have a Savior that loves our little boy and cares about every concern (big or small) I bring before Him. I'm thankful for God's guidance in parenting James and for the comfort that comes in entrusting James to Him.

This will be my last "monthly" update on James' development. I will maybe try and give some updates every 3 months or so and then just some fun pictures or funny stories about James in between. I am very excited about all the funny things he is going to be saying this next year as his vocabulary begins to take off and I definitely want to try record them all. I am also going to have to get busy the next few weeks copying all of these "monthly" updates from his first year into his baby book - I am now even more glad that I recorded them on the blog because I never would have remembered (especially when I was so incredibly sleep-deprived the first few months.) :)  For all of you (1 or 2 people) that are reading this still, thanks for reading the updates on James. And thank you for your support and encouragement for Stephen and I as parents.

Here is what our baby/toddler is doing at 12 months:

- He is 30 inches long (55%) and weighs 21 pounds 12 ounces (30%). His head circumference is in the 75th percentile which we attribute to his big brain, of course. :) Please don't accuse us of being the people that always brag on their child though...ha! :)

- He is still in 12 months clothes and probably will be for a while (especially his pants). The "pants on the ground" song could definitely have been written about him but only in the most appropriate way. :)

- He wears size 4 shoes but will quickly be moving into size 5.

- We moved him into size 4 diapers and eliminated our leaky diaper dilemma. :) (He was leaking out of every diaper for naps and nighttime sleep which was not good when we already have a baby that sleeps less than other babies his age.)

- Speaking of sleep, he continues to improve as far as nighttime sleep, but oh, how I dislike the question "does your baby sleep through the night?" We make strides in that direction every day and I'll leave it at that. :) As far as naps go, he is trying to give up his morning nap but hasn't given it up completely yet. Some days he still takes 2 (1 hour naps) but most days he takes one longer nap from about 11ish to 1ish and then goes to bed at 7 (an hour earlier). This seems to work much, much better for him (and for all of us)! He is sleeping between 13-14 hours total.

- He is so active and never stops. I know I say that every month but it's true. He is walking everywhere and now tries to run. He has become quite a climber the last few weeks and climbs (or tries to climb) on all the furniture. He tries to climb into his crib which makes me realize he may learn to climb out of his crib before too long. I'm not sure what to do about that... We got him a slide for his birthday and he climbs up with ease, sits down, and goes down the slide. He absolutely loves it! It will be many more months before I don't stand right beside him as he does it though. :) He has also figured out how to get into drawers, cabinets, etc. and take out whatever he wants and he does it so quickly and with such ease! There is also no telling what we have lost forever in the trash can, diaper champ, and toilet. He also LOVES to play outside and whines at the door to go out. As you can see, my days are full of adventure. But I absolutely love it and wouldn't have it any other way. :)

- He is eating mostly just table foods now. That has really just happened in the last few weeks. Some of his favorite foods at the moment include - cinnamon cheerios, Kix cereal, steamed carrots with cinnamon,  yogurt mixed with purred fruits and vegetables, dry waffles or pancakes, strips of toast, crackers, macaroni and cheese (boy does he ever!), shredded cheddar cheese, beans (black beans and pintos) most fruits but especially blueberries, mandarin oranges, bananas and peaches, avocado (loves it!), scrambled eggs, applesauce, and water. Meat is probably his least favorite thing but I'm hoping he will learn to like it soon. Some days/meals he eats great and some days he is not interested at all. I do not stress about it anymore though. I know he will not starve himself.

- He has four teeth on the bottom and two on top. He is in the process of getting more. In fact, the doctor looked in his mouth yesterday and said "Wow! He's teething..." He has unfortunately gotten 1 tooth at a time since he was 7 months old. It has honestly been 5 months of non-stop teething and hopefully it will let up for him soon.

- Some of his interests right now as far as toys/books include: Mickey Mouse (of course), his slide, cars, trucks, trains, balls, dinosaurs, and animals. He loves animals actually. I found a little plastic cow in his crib this morning that he must have been holding in his hand when he went to sleep last night.

- He loves to "hoard" things in his hands - especially cereal and small toys. I usually find him in his crib after a nap with cereal gripped in his hands. We also have discovered that he will hide his toys in various places but then forgets where he put them. It kind of reminds of a squirrel that buries his nuts. It is very cute. :) I don't know why he does this though because we let him have all the cereal that he wants. :)

- He has really been doing more "talking" the last few weeks. We understand very little of it but I think that very soon he will be saying a whole bunch. I know for sure that he says "mama" and "uh-oh." I think he tries very hard to say "ball" and I think he says "go-go" instead of "bye-bye." And he has a lot to say when I say "Mickey Mouse." It is so cute because I know that he knows exactly what he's saying even if we don't. He will often "talk" as he looks at books and "sing" with us. It's hard to describe what his singing is like -- maybe a low hum. It is so cute! You have to hear it!

- Unfortunately his separation anxiety has returned with a vengeance, especially when it comes to the church nursery. I know though that "this too shall pass" just like everything else I have unnecessarily stressed about and know that it is just part of normal development for a little one.

- I love when he is amused and laughs so hard - at Daddy being silly, or when we fall down on the bed with him yelling "timber", or when we pretend like we are asleep on the floor and are "snoring" and then we he touches our face we open our eyes and say "boo," or when we stomp during "If you're happy and you know it." I love to watch him laugh and will do just about anything to make it happen. :)


Well, I know that was a bunch and there's probably still a million more things that I could say. Stephen and I have loved being James' Mama and Daddy for 365+ days now and look forward to all the days that we have with him in the years ahead.

James, 
The second you entered this world, God gave me a love for you that is hard to comprehend. You have filled our lives with even more joy and inspired us to be better in ways that you'll probably never fully understand. We love you so much and pray that you will always know that you are loved and that your life is so valuable! We pray also that you'll understand how much God loves you and that you were created by Him to be exactly who you are. You matter, sweet boy. You matter to us and you matter to God. We will always value what you have to say and will never be too busy when it comes to spending time with you. As you grow you may find that the world can be cruel at times, but I pray that our home can be your soft, safe place to fall. Please forgive us in advance for the ways that we may fail you in the future. We will never be the perfect parents but we have trusted our lives to the only One that is. May you come to know Jesus and loves Jesus all of your days, may you be content in whatever circumstances in which you find yourself in this life. and in whatever you do may your life bring glory to Jesus Christ. We love you, James - to the moon and back. 
Love, Mama and Daddy

And...very soon I will post about his Birthday Weekend. I promise. :) But I think I have broken a cardinal rule of blogging with a post thing long, so I'm signing off for today. :)

I didn't listen...

I didn't listen...

... and this afternoon I let you sleep in my arms. It's not that I didn't remember the pediatrician's advice, or didn't browse the books and articles about infant sleep, or read the weekly babycenter updates that came to my inbox. I heard and read and remembered them all. I did. I really did. It's just that this afternoon somewhere between rocking and singing and reading books together about dinosaurs and freight trains, you fell asleep. And just as I was about to go lay you down in your crib so that I could take care of the long list of things that I needed to do, I looked down at you sleeping so peacefully in my arms and decided that I was going to hold you close for a little while longer. And for a few seconds the advice of the sleep experts flooded my thoughts - about how I might mess up your sleep cycles, or delay your ability to self-soothe, or make you depend on me too much - and who I am to question them because I'm far from an expert on sleep. Actually, I'm far from an expert on anything really. But then I pushed all that aside because while I may not be an expert on many things or anything - I am the closest thing that there is to an expert on you, sweet boy. 

That doesn't mean that I have it all figured out because I certainly don't. And I've doubted myself many times about the decisions that I've made. But I am the one and only Mama that you'll ever have. And I have fed you, and held you, and dressed you, and bathed you, and read to you, and sang to you, and comforted you every single day for almost 365 days now. I know when your cry is urgent and when it's more of a whine. I know the sound of your giggle and your belly laugh. I know your favorite foods, and toys, and books. I recognize when you' re in pain, or you're scared, or the days that you just need a little extra attention. I know what you want many times before you even try to communicate it. I'm your Mama and I know you better than anyone.

So this afternoon as I let you sleep in my arms, I just got lost in reflection of all the memories of this first year with you. And as I looked down at your face, I saw the same little face of the miracle that was laid upon my chest when you were born almost a year ago - just looking a little older now. And as I breathed in your sweet baby smell, I breathed in the same familiar smell I've always known - just smelling a little more like cheerios these days and a little less like spit-up. 

I didn't listen...and this afternoon I let you sleep in my arms. But let's be honest, sweet boy. It wasn't the first time (not even close) and it may not be the last. But the last will come - just like the last time you play in the tub until your toes are wrinkly, or the last time you fall asleep to songs and bedtime stories with Mama and Daddy, or the last night of wearing footed pajamas to bed that I'll surely try and squeeze you into until your toes are peeping out of the fabric, or the last day of never having had your first haircut, or the last time you hold my hand as we cross the street. You will eventually outgrow rocking and sleeping in my arms and sitting on my lap. You will grow up - exactly like you're supposed to. And as is the great paradox of motherhood, that while my heart breaks I will be so proud and will cheer you on every step of the way. The same way I cheered on your very first steps. 

I didn't listen.. and this afternoon I let you sleep in my arms. And although the sleep experts might have frowned upon it, it seemed right. No, it was right. It was right to hold you close for a little longer...while I still can. It was right to hold you close...you, my sweet boy, the exact baby that I always wanted. And I wouldn't change a single thing about you or a single thing about this year (except maybe to worry less and trust my Mama heart more). 

I didn't listen...and this afternoon I let you sleep in my arms. And I don't regret it. Not at all. Not even a little bit.