“Mama, you don’t want
to miss this!” is the phrase
that rings through the house these days, as our now three-year-old little boy
races Hot Wheels through a “loopty loop” or composes musical masterpieces on
the recorder. Whatever you are doing or creating (or even when you are very
knowingly getting into mischief!), you are sure to announce to Mama and Daddy
with great pride “Hey Guys, You don’t want to miss this!” It’s a phrase that is so fitting as I reflect
on the last three years as your Mama.
When I was 37 weeks
pregnant with you and so naïve about everything that was ahead of me in this
journey of motherhood, your Daddy and I were shocked to discover that the
doctors anticipated your arrival within hours -- days at most. You had your
grandparents on pins and needles with suitcases packed waiting for your
arrival, church members stopping by our house to visit thinking that you had
already been born, and Mama and Daddy waiting with great anticipation believing
that every passing day was the one that we would meet you. You hung in there
for a few more weeks, and even your labor, that was anticipated to be brief,
was much longer than we had expected. And then you arrived on February 5, 2010 at
4:27 PM, right on time, making your grand entrance into this world. Your hearty
cry announcing to all those that were waiting for you, “You don’t want to miss this!” And they didn’t.
The overwhelming love
that I felt for you the first second that I saw you brought a flood of emotions
- tears of joy that I could not contain. You were so tiny and perfect. You were
everything and more that I had always dreamed about. And I knew instantly that
I would spend every minute that God so graciously granted me on this earth
making sure that I didn’t miss a single, important moment with you.
Our early days with you
were filled with just soaking you in and learning to adapt our expectations to
the course that you were very clearly setting for us. You didn’t do anything by
the book and soon enough I learned to just toss them all to the side. When you
seemed to sleep way less, seemed to demand to be nursed and held way more, and
seemed to just do things completely different than “other babies” I prayed and
prayed for wisdom and strength. And God granted them to me. I often felt like I
would not survive those early days of exhaustion and sleeplessness, and now
looking back on them they are the days that I treasure most, recognizing now
that I would be a totally different mother if you hadn’t been “first” and shown
me a way that has brought so much joy. I know that I will be a much better
mother to Jude and any other children that God chooses to bless us with because
of you, and I can’t thank you enough for that.
From giving up
pacifiers, to sleeping through the night, to finally eating and accepting food,
to weaning – each milestone and achievement, each big step you’ve taken has
been in your own time and in your
way. The way that is uniquely yours and that we’ve come to know and love about
you. You waited an entire week to roll over for the first time (when I just
knew it would happen any second!) until Daddy got home from taking the youth
group to camp so that we could cherish it together, just our little family.
Daddy didn’t want to miss it – and you made sure that he didn’t! You change
your mind a hundred times a day in simple, daily tasks just to make me giggle
(and sometimes to make me scream!) The simplest chore can take forever –
because of the way that you insist on taking your time. You point out all the
wrong answers in a book first (when you know the right one!), just because you
can. You learned to use the potty so quickly (to show us that you do know how)
– only to insist that you aren’t really ready to be done with diapers yet. Oh, you are strong and
stubborn, little one. You have taught me over and over again that you cannot be
rushed - or forced. I have learned in three years that you are strong
physically (you could climb out of your crib before you were sleeping through the night!) and in spirit – and I pray that God will help me teach you what it
means to be strong in heart and courage and character too! I know your
persistence and determination will serve you well in this life.
As I’ve looked to God
for direction in each challenge, I have felt Him urging me to gently guide you
and felt overwhelming peace in my heart that things will work themselves out in
their own time. And they have. And those challenges or phases that I thought
would never end…oh, how those are always the ones that I long for the most (even
for just one day) after they come to a bittersweet end. I know that I can’t
rewind any of the days that I’ve had with you, and (although I’m so far from
perfect) I am thankful that I have been present to capture so many wonderful
things about your first three years on camera, or in journals, or just
in my memory – to savor for a lifetime.
I pray that you will
continue to call for me for a long, long time and that I would continue to hear
your precious voice echo throughout the house that “Mama, you don’t want to
miss this!” As you age and
change, the milestones and accomplishments will look different but I vow to you
that I will be present and attentive and continue to celebrate each one with
you along the way. Because I so desperately “don’t want to miss this!” –
whatever the next “this” might be when it comes to you, my sweet boy. I don’t
want to miss one single little thing and as long as God continues to grant me
time with you on this earth, I will do everything that I can to make sure that
I don’t.
Happy Third Birthday,
James! I love you forever, and ever, and ever.
Love, Mama
