What a precious first year this has been with you, sweet stinker boy. In a single instant you took your first breath and stole our hearts, and as you were laid in my arms you instantly filled the place that we never knew was empty until the very moment you arrived. I took one look at your sweet face that was altogether different and more wonderful than I had even dreamed when I thought about you often all those months that I carried you in my tummy (and the hope of you in my heart, even before that), and so much joy filled my heart to know that a lifetime of loving you absolutely silly was ahead of us.
"He looks different....different than James did" were some of the first words out of my mouth (other than "I love you" over and over again through happy tears!). In that first glimpse of you, memories of my first glimpse of James came flooding back to me too and already, just seconds into your sweet life, I found myself in awe and marveling at the unique creation that you were and are. "Praise" is your name. And on June 7, 2013 at 10:26 a.m. my lips flowed freely with "praise" to God for the gift of your life. And this first year with you my song of "praise" has been, in part, discovering and naming all the unique facets and qualities that make you who you are.
As we held our dark-headed swaddled bundle of joy with the squeakiest cry (your brother named you "Squeaky Jude Burrito") while we were still in the hospital, already we saw your unique personality beginning to unfold before our eyes. And then when we were home just a few days with you and found ourselves getting 6 hour stretches of sleep night after night, we knew this was going to be a very different journey. Sometimes when I'm praising your uniqueness, I fear at times that others sense I'm comparing negatively as if one way could be better than the other. But nothing could be farther than the truth. After 365 days of being a mother of two boys that can appear so similar on the surface, I am so humbled to be the one that gets to know the things about you that others don't.
I "praise" God for the differences, Jude: for your dark curls, your big brown eyes, your squeaky cry turned squeaky squeal, the way you will fall asleep anywhere but still love to sleep most in my lap, your independence, your fearlessness, your rough and tumble ways, the way you look at your big brother, the way you sit on your knees, the way your nose crinkles when you smile, your easy-going nature, your ability to climb anything, the way you love any food that I make you and the way you wear it in your hair after, the way that you laugh at my attempts to be funny, your affinity for paper and books (oh, the day that I don't pull paper from your mouth!), the way you can destroy a room and clear a bookshelf in five seconds flat, your sneakiness in such a charming way (my stinker boy!), your ability to reach things that seem unreachable, your impressive repertoire, your exuberant hand-clapping, your exuberance in everything you do really...Oh, I love you and accept you as you are! Don't ever try to earn it because you'll never have to. Rest in our love and most of all rest in Jesus' love for you.
I want to tell you a secret. Before you were born, I was scared if I would be able to love you enough and love you as much as the overwhelming love I felt for your big brother. But I need you to know that the second that you entered this world, my heart grew to love two. And there is more than enough love for you both. I've learned this year that you and James are different than each other and your needs are different than each other at times too, but my love for you both is absolutely the same.
I praise God for your life, my sweet Jude, and my prayer is that your life would bring praise to Him all of your days. Happy First Birthday, Jude! I am so grateful to be your Mama and I look forward to all of our days together. I love you forever and ever and ever.
Love, Mama (and Daddy too!)
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