Encouragement for Young Mothers

I found this article on the blog of a young, Christian mother and I thought I would pass it along. It was an encouragement/challenge to me and hope it will be to you as well.

Guilt is a young mother’s habitual shadow. It has a nasty way of soaking through many of her efforts at nurturing, serving and loving others. “Am I doing enough for my children? For others? What do they think of me? What does God think of me?”

As a young mother everyone wants something from you—your family, your church, your boss, your neighbor. And most likely, you give way more than you ever thought you could. But along the way guilt nibbles at your soul, eating away your inner peace and joy. And it often lingers through the years, even after your children are grown and gone.

Dear young mother, don’t waste your guilt!

DON’T WASTE YOUR GUILT

Don’t waste your guilt, but instead listen to it and evaluate it. Take it out of the shadows and examine it in the light of Scripture. Lay out your feelings before Christ. Is this guilt legitimate conviction of sin? Then confess your sin, receive his forgiveness and ask him where and how he wants you to change.

But maybe your guilt is a nagging, self-focused fear that if you were just a bit better or worked just a little harder, then you would be noticed and admired enough to feel okay about yourself. That is false guilt, rooted in pride. It will hurt your family and hinder your relationship with your grace-giving Father. If this describes your guilt, then remind yourself that through Christ’s death and resurrection, you’re accepted by God. The solution to false guilt, as to true guilt, is the gospel.

Paul speaks of these two kinds of guilt in 2 Corinthians 7:10. There is a godly grief that produces repentance, and a worldly grief that produces death. Ask yourself this question: is what I give my time and energies to driven by life-giving repentance or life-depleting pride?

A YOUNG MOTHER’S PRIMARY MISSION FIELD

One reason a young mother can feel wrongly guilty is that she forgets that her first and primary mission field must be her children.

God values children. He places great importance on our teaching our children to love and serve him (Deut. 6:7-9). Jesus became indignant when the disciples didn’t value the worth of children in God’s expanding kingdom (Mark 10:13-16). And God tells us that children are his blessing to us (Psalm 127:3).

Mothering calls for the best in us as women. As mothers, we shape the souls of our children and ultimately influence the world. Children are our gift to the future. So accept your calling from God to serve your family. It is not godly guilt that would call you away from a wholehearted investment in your little ones for his sake. Don’t feel guilty over making your children your primary ministry investment when they are young. You are teaching the younger generation to form intimate emotional bonds with others. Your sensitivity, availability, devotion, affection, and unhurried attention are irreplaceable.

MOTHERING: PLAIN HARD WORK

On the other hand, Paul’s word to me as an older woman is to “train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled” (Tit. 2:4-5).

Why does the apostle have to tell us older women to teach these things to the younger women? Because it can be hard to love your husband and children. In fact, it can be easier to minister outside the home. Why is it more rewarding for us to plan a ladies’ retreat for two hundred women than it is to plan an indoor picnic with our preschoolers on a rainy afternoon? I think it’s because the rewards are more immediate and the demands are not so steady.

Being a young mother is plain hard work. At times it feels like slave labor! Young moms can identify with the cartoon of a toddler looking at a wedding album with his daddy and saying, “So that’s the day Mommy came to work for us!”

But God has called you to this ministry. He knows there are no neutral moments in a young child’s life, whose experience is one of continuous need and development. Your children will bear the imprint of your mothering throughout their lives because much of human behavior springs from imitation.

You are the only mother your children have. Your ministry to them is the deepest expression of your love for them. Raising your children has to be done right the first time around. It is one of the few places in life where you can not say, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”

You have received this commission from God. As a mother your privilege is to teach them how to respect their daddy and be kind to their siblings, how to choose good nutrition and wholesome entertainment, why they should value courtesy and orderliness, and which causes are worthy of their efforts, their reputations, and even their very blood.

Are you discouraged as you spend day after day immersed in the mundane tasks of mothering? Then think of the honor of guiding the spiritual and intellectual and social development of young minds and hearts. Think of the thrill of teaching them eternal truths from God’s Word. Think of the importance of teaching your young children how to live under authority, and of preparing them for future relationships by teaching them about love and trust. Think of the delight of sending one more godly, vibrant, strong, secure, loving young person into this needy world with the courage to live well for Christ’s sake. What a worthy investment!

WHAT YOUNG MOTHERS NEED: A HEART FOR THE HOME

Another challenge for a young mother is cultivating a love for the home.

God has called us to love our children from home base (Tit. 2:4-5). We can’t improve upon God’s design! This means more than staying at home. It means fixing your heart on your home. Women can leave their homes through more avenues than work or outside ministry. Cell phones, emails, and chat rooms can take a mother away from her primary ministry, too.

Ministry means being “all there.” It means rejoicing that you get to show your children how to peddle a tricycle, make their bed, build good memories, and share their toys with others. You serve your family, and ultimately your heavenly Father, by helping your child do that puzzle for the seventeenth time, by washing those sticky fingers, by planting a little garden, by acting out Bible stories and praying together, and by preparing for their daddy’s return as the highlight of your day!

What is the alternative? “A child left to himself disgraces his mother” (Prov. 29:15).

Remember this: you have the privilege of passing on to young hearts a sense of God! Should you feel guilty for that? As you let your children experience intimacy, nearness, and availability in their earliest years with you, you can point them to find those soul-necessities in Christ, their Savior, as they mature. And then you have the delight of sending them out with a light in their souls to bless this darkened world.

Someone is going to be influencing your children, inculcating values and imprinting standards on their impressionable young minds. Let it be you!

THIS SEASON IS JUST A SEASON

Does this mean you will never invest in others outside your family? Goodness, no. But if you are a young mother, use your primary ministry of mothering to guide your choices about where to serve Christ now. Don’t let anything woo you away from your unique role as a wife and mother.

This season in your life is just that—a season. And each season is a divine calling from our Creator and King. Organizing a new church event is important. Teaching your little boy to be kind to his sister is also important. But which one can best be done by you during this season? Serve God well by ministering to your children first. Very soon they will be grown and gone and all those uniquely teachable moments will be gone. And you will have ample opportunity to serve Christ outside your home in the seasons ahead.

“But you, take courage! Do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded” (2 Chronicles 15:7).

By Jani Ortlund

Give Me Jesus....

The prayer of my heart....

Video Update (Part 4)

Here is the final video of the four! Here is James drinking water from his sippy cup!

Video Update (Part 3)

First Solids (after cereal)! Sweet Potatoes!

Video Update (Part Two)

The videos don't want to upload together in one post. So, here is James feeling the ocean underneath his feet for the first time!

6 Month Update in Videos (and a few words of course)

I haven't posted in a while but we have been traveling and without internet for a while. Since I last posted we celebrated my 26th birthday, traveled to South Carolina for James to meet all of my Mom and Dad's family, and took James to the beach for the first time. Now, we are finally back, unpacked, and settled.

I am going to try and be less wordy this post and show you four, yes FOUR, videos of James and what he is doing at 6 months old. I understand that you may not want to watch all four videos unless you are one of the few people in the world that gave birth to us or just really, really love James almost as much as we do. Here is a short list of things that he is doing. I will just add to what he was doing last month:

James is doing everything he was doing at 5 months and...

• He weighs 17 pounds 10 ounces and is 26.5 inches long. It sounds so big but the doctor says that he is just above the 50th percentile for both height and weight.
• Holding out in size 2 diapers for a little bit longer. Wearing some 3-6 month clothes and moving into some 6-9 month clothes.
• He is a blonde headed baby for now (and blue eyed!) with hair sticking straight up now. It is so cute! I also noticed when I was rocking him the other day he has little blonde hairs on his arms, legs, fingers, and toes. I don't know whether to be happy or sad. He is growing up!
• He loves peek-a-boo now and belly laughs at peek-a-boo and other things! (check out the video).
• He is eating solids and seems to like them but is still warming up to them at this point. So far he has had rice cereal and oatmeal. He has also had sweet potatoes and pears (check out the video). He has also learned how to use his sippy cup (yes, see another video). Stephen helped him last night figure it out because he used to just chew on it. 
• (I hesitate to write it down because it's going so much better but) He seems to be sleeping for longer stretches now that he has started solids. Up to 2 hour naps (twice a day with a little cat nap sometimes in the early evening) and a 6 to 7 hour stretch at night before needing to be resettled maybe once or twice. We have found a system that works for us and gets us all the best night's sleep possible. 
• He is trying hard to lunge forward into the crawling position from the sitting position but isn't quite there yet.
• He is wet all the time from drool, teething, the sippy cup, and solids and we are trying very hard to keep his neck folds (and adorable neck folds, I might add) dry! 
• No teeth yet but the doctor said his gums on top and bottom are very swollen.
• He is becoming more active and trying to move all the time. He is a wild man when he gets to bouncing on us or in the exersaucer. 
• Struggling a little with separation anxiety (which I know is a phase) and still struggling with reflux (spitting up solids now)
• Doing better in the car (making improvements). Took his first trip to SC to meet my Mom's family and then we went on to Myrtle Beach with the Lakes Family for the 19th annual trip and James' 1st ever trip to the beach! (see video - ha!)

So, I said I wouldn't be wordy but I guess I still was. I can't help myself. I love him so much it hurts. I know you Moms understand what I mean!

And here are the videos: (it won't hurt my feelings if you don't watch all four! I know I will watch them enough for us all.)

5 Months Old! (Almost 6...)

I need to post a quick update on James' milestones at the 5 month point because in about a week he will be 6 months old! Wow! I can't believe this precious little man has graced our lives for almost half a year. I don't even know what life was like before him. This month really brought about so many changes that we kept asking each other, "Is this the same baby we brought home from the hospital?" He is really at a fun age now and getting more independent all the time.

Here are some of the things that James is doing:

- He is rolling over mostly from his stomach to his back but has also rolled over from back to belly as well.
- He started eating cereal consistently at 5 months old once a day. We can now eat dinner at the table together and he really loves mimicking us eating. He opens his mouth when he sees us do it even if he isn't the one being fed at the time.
- Still putting EVERYTHING in his mouth and I think teeth have to be on the way.
- He is sitting up now! A little wobbly but definitely sitting up!
- He loves reaching for toys and will dive to reach a toy that he wants that is out of his reach.
- He arches his back when we're holding him to get down on the floor when he wants to play.
- He cries if we take a toy away or try to take something that he is putting in his mouth that he shouldn't be.
- He babbles a lot and says "mama" a lot although he doesn't know what he's saying yet.
- His legs are very strong and he is becoming a wild man trying to jump off of us or while in his exersaucer.
- He loves seeing himself in the mirror and loves seeing us smile at him in the mirror.
- He loves watching us brush our teeth and when we carry him into our bathroom he immediately tries to grab a toothbrush to put it in his mouth.
- He smiles and laughs a lot now. He is very ticklish!
- Enjoying books more (chewing on books too)!
- Really smiles at girls and women and then hides his head like he's flirting.
- He has lost almost all the dark hair he was born with and now has blonde hair growing in.
- He still eats quite a bit. I don't even keep track of when he eats anymore - I just feed him on cue.
- He wakes up once a night (at least) to eat but resettles quickly. He wakes up around 7:30 AM now and goes to bed around 8:30 PM. He usually takes a nap around 9:30, 1:30, and a little short nap around 5:30. His first two naps can last up to 2 hours now.
- He is still struggling with reflux but we are praying it will be something that he will grow out of soon.
- He loves his little piano and always tries to reach for it. He can pull all of his toys out of the basket until he gets to the one he wants.
- He has started to show a few signs of separation anxiety - once when my sister was visiting and Megan was in the backseat with him while I drove he cried for me. He also whimpers at times when I walk out of the room. He has started to reach out his hands or dive toward me to get me to pick him up.

When my sister was visiting last weekend while Stephen was a children's camp, we had a lot of fun just talking and hanging out with James. We were talking one morning about the fact that he had a rough night and I didn't get a lot of sleep and she said, "Even when your tired and up in the middle of the night, does it still feel good to look down and be holding him?" And I told her, "Yes, it feels great!" It's so true.  Almost 6 months have already passed in no time and one day I'll look back on this time and wish I could have the sweet moments that we are having together now (even in the middle of the night). He is our biggest blessing and we love him so much!