What a Difference a Mom Makes: The Indelible Imprint a Mom Leaves on Her Son's Life

Stephen gave me this book in the hospital shortly after Jude was born. I know some people want jewelry or other things after the birth of their babies (I've heard them called "push presents") and there's nothing wrong with that, but I'm glad that Stephen "gets me" and knows how practical I am. This was the perfect gift for this avid reader, and I couldn't wait to dive into it despite being very tired and busy. I enjoyed reading this book during the early morning hours that I was awake with Jude the last several weeks, and I thought I would just share some of my favorite excerpts. This is a great book and I highly recommend it to mothers of sons to help in understanding the significance of the mother/son relationship.

- Of all the people in the world, you, Mom, make the biggest difference in your son's world...That gives you, Mom, a lot of power in your son's life. You can set your son up for success in life -- or failre. You, and only you, can help him understand what it is to be male and how to form healthy relationships with other females.

- It's the child's relationship with the parent of the opposite sex that is most important in families...Mothers leave an indelible imprint on the lives of their sons. Their sons may leave home, graduate from college, get married, and have children of their own, but they'll never stop being Mommy's boy...Mothers shape their sons in ways so profound that men live with their mom's unwritten rules imprinted on them...A man's marriage says far more about his relationship to his mother than it does about his relationship to his father. 

- There are three things that he needs most from you: He needs to be respected...Your son needs to believe he is a capable, worthy human being. He needs to know he is important in your world...He longs for acceptance, a sense of belonging, and companionship from you. No one else will do. He needs to be needed. ... Your son needs to know he has a solid place in your world, in your home, and in your heart. He needs to be fulfilled as a man. Your boy needs to know that he belongs to you, that you think he's special just as he is, and that you appreciate his maleness...

- My mother was my champion, even when, in the world's eyes, I was a failure.

- Did you know that no matter what your relationship with your son is like, he'll tend to marry a woman like you?

- There's a time when you butt out and let your child handle his own problems. But there are other times when you need to step in and take action.

- Your son will live up to the unwritten expectations for him.

- If your son feels accepted by you at home, he won't go looking for that acceptance elsewhere. If he finds it in a peer group, that's great - it's just added to the unconditional acceptance he gets at home. 

- When your kid messes up, let him live with the consequences...give your son the freedom to fail while he's still in the nest. How you handle his failures is so much more important than how you handle his victories. 

- Fighting is an act of cooperation. When your son engages in a fight, he's doing so for a reason. He wants your attention. And if he can't get your attention in a positive way, he'll do it in a negative way...As soon as you enter a power struggle with your son -- you will lose. But there's a better way -- and you'll always win. (Reality Discipline)

- Your home needs to be a place where your son can fail -- and learn from that failure -- not a place where he's continually rescued from his own dumb moves.

- The smart mom will learn to respond rather than react. 

- Beware of the activity trap. Your son is not going to be more successful in life just because you have him in swim class, boy scouts, soccer, and karate all in one year. All your doing is raising a son who thinks he has to go from activity to activity to please you and be someone of earth. It sets him up later in life to think he has to do more, be more, to actually be someone.

- When you open your mouth, you hold your son's welfare in your hands.

- Moms, if you're going to err, err on the side of believing in your child. Expect the best out of them, believe the best out of the...but don't let them get away with squat either.


Apparently, I enjoyed the entire book! And I highly recommend it. It also touches on reality discipline and the birth order (which is very interesting and very true, I think!).