Sally Clarkson shared the following excerpt from C.S. Lewis today on her blog, I Take Joy. And of all the analogies that have ever been written to describe God's refining of His children, I cannot think of one that relates more to our daily waiting and wondering recently and to the path we've been traveling.
“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of – throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”
Stephen and I have been living and breathing the home-buying process the last several months as we've been waiting (and waiting) on a house of our own. We have always lived in (and accepted that temporary stage of our life pretty well) a seminary apartment or church parsonage as long as we've been married, so in a sense we've been waiting on this house for 5 1/2 years now. But more specifically, for almost the past 10 months, we've just been waiting on a home, regardless of how humble, to simply call our own. Being somewhat of a homebody and an introvert, I have always found such comfort in 'coming home' and having a place where I can be alone and recharge. Home, for me, is associated with safety, rest, peace and acceptance. Our home, while temporary, should be a taste and a reflection of our eternal home that awaits us in heaven. As we have longed and prayed for a place to call home these last 10 months, God directed us to a house. And because of twists and turns and paperwork and just everything that goes along with this process, we are approaching a month since we were originally supposed to close. The waiting has been hard and the delays and disappointments have been difficult to accept. In my flesh I ask questions like "What now? What else? Why me and why this?" but it's in faith (and only faith) that I can still ask "What is He trying to teach me?"
Our house is move-in ready and in a matter of days we really, truly should be moving into our first home, taking a big step toward healing and moving forward and looking toward the future (while very different than what we ever envisioned, exactly what God always had planned). But it's my heart, and my life, that has continually been under renovation. I relate to that house that C.S. Lewis describes. I feel the pain of the walls that have been knocked down. I get it. I'm presently right there in the midst of the demolition. And when all I can see is debris, I can't help but ask if the labor is all in vain. But, thankfully and mercifully, I have a Father that sees the bigger picture and holds the blue print. While I may be content with a cottage, I welcome Him to build the palace.
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Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. Psalm 127:1
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